I wrote two paragraphs about my easter holidays. The only difference is the first one goes strait into action. The second paragraph tells you what I was thinking. Please leave a comment and say which paragraph you liked best.
“ GO!” Yelled my mum.My Sisters, cousins and I separated through out the house. I sprinted to the front of the house, grabbing all of the gold Easter eggs. Once I got all of the gold eggs, I ran to the side of the house and grabbed the other eggs. The Easter Egg Hunt had started.
Look at all of the prizes that you could get. What if I could find the most gold eggs in the easter egg hunt and got the biggest prize of them all, a GIANT BUNNY? To do that, I would have to find them, and beat the other kids to the easter eggs.
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Hey Shoal
ReplyDeleteI like both of you paragraph but I like the 1st paragraph because it gives me a better idea of what you are doing.
Ashleigh
Hi Shoal,
ReplyDeleteGreat writing. I would have to vote for the 2nd introduction. I wrote about that to. Sadly I only found two. I was also feeling the same way. I was trying to beat my family member but sadly I couldn't. Anyway keep up the great work.
Vivienne
Immmm, this is a close one. I do like the question in Paragraph 2. It got me wondering what actually happened. I am pretty hooked in to reading the rest of the recount to see if you did get the giant bunny.
ReplyDeleteBut, I was also a little dis-orientated in paragraph 2 by what was going on. Perhaps mentioning the term "Easter egg hunt" as you did in the first introduction may have helped.
So, I'm voting for paragraph 1, it was a bit clearer.
Hello Everyone,
ReplyDeleteI liked the first paragraph as well. It explains thing a whole lot better. Thank you for commenting on my blog!
Shoal